My TOY Story

             When I heard the words “You are going to be Teacher of the Year”, I laughed out loud and shook my head. When it actually happened, I was shocked. But, when I found out I had to write my story, I considered declining the honor. Not because I didn’t want to take the time to write it, but because my story is like no other. I have wrestled with how much to tell and how much to gloss over because once my story is out, I can’t reel it back in. However, I decided that miracles aren’t miracles unless they are shared, and my story is nothing less than miraculous. You see, I was an eighth grade dropout and pregnant before I was old enough to drive. It is by the grace of God, that I am what I am, and I made it!

             As a child, I always said that I wanted to be a teacher. For the most part, school was my safe place. It was the only place that I was nurtured, and the only place I could smile, laugh and be myself because I was not welcomed in my own home.

            Education was not valued in my family and eighth grade was the cut-off point. I grew up in poverty, surrounded by divorce and alcoholism. My grandfather believed work was more important than school and as soon as I was old enough, I would be put to work to pay back what had been invested in me. Upon learning that I was pregnant, my grandfather signed away his obligation to me by giving his permission for me to get married.

            In hindsight, if it weren’t for my grandfather’s decision to release me, I would not be where I am today. He stepped out of my life and my husband’s parents stepped in. Although they were uneducated and didn’t speak a word of English, they had high expectations for their children, and I was no exception. My mother-in-law encouraged me to get my GED and my father-in-law taught me to drive. He coached me through three attempts to pass the driving test so I could get my license. Surrounded by love and encouragement, I became a fluent Spanish speaker in two years’ time, and I taught myself to read and write my second language.

            All along the way, it seems that someone was always watching over me and moving me in all the right directions. The dream of someday becoming a teacher never left my heart, but with only a GED, an aide position was the best I could do. I realize now that I was a teacher in training the whole time. I was entrusted with duties, responsibilities and opportunities that others were not offered.  

            Over the years, my co-workers and supervisors encouraged me to go to college. When asked what was holding me back, I was ashamed to admit that I was an 8^th grade dropout. However, I finally revealed the real reason for not pursuing college to one particular teacher. My secret did not change her opinion of me. In fact, she dug in her heels and worked harder to convince me that I could do it. Finally, going out of her way, she presented me with brochures from two local universities, all the necessary documents for enrollment and a degree plan! I started the following summer and four years later, at the age of 38, I graduated Magna Cum Laude on my 24^th wedding anniversary!

My first teaching position was as an elementary ESL teacher. I was so excited to finally have a classroom. I giggled with anticipation, as I turned my shiny, new key in the lock and pulled open the heavy, metal door to my classroom. The stale, warm air of the humble, “doublewide trailer” greeted me and welcomed me home. This was my first classroom, and it would become my home away from home for the next two years. To someone else, the portable might have been a disappointment, but to me it was beautiful because it was my dream come true.  

Luckily all the years and experiences as an instructional aide had prepared me for my first year in the classroom. Even though I was technically a “rookie”, I never experienced the broad range of emotions and self-doubt that most first year teachers experience.  From the moment I unlocked the door on that momentous day in 1999, I knew how to coax my students into giving me their best, how to manage a classroom and how to utilize the talents of my assistant. My first five years of teaching were a breeze!           

In my mind, to be a teacher is to be a champion for those who don’t know how to be champions for themselves. As a teacher, I have strived to provide a caring, nurturing environment built on a foundation of trust. I want my students and their families to feel safe, respected, valued and welcomed in my classroom.  

Although I believe every child can learn, many times learning can be delayed by circumstances beyond the child’s control, resulting in avoidance tactics and behavioral issues. I firmly believe in teaching the whole child: body, mind and soul. However, there have been several instances where gaining access to the whole child, means reaching out to the parent first.

One such instance came when one of my 4th grade ESL students, repeatedly failed to return forms that required a parent’s signature. After meeting and translating for his mother during a parent conference, the classroom teacher asked me to stress the importance of returning signed papers that were sent home. The child’s mother informed us that she always signed and returned forms. She then said, “I am always so embarrassed that I don’t have a real signature. I can barely print my name. My son can write better than I can! I would give anything to be able to have a pretty signature!”  It was then that I realized that this student wasn’t turning in signed papers because he too was embarrassed and ashamed that his mother couldn’t write her name.

After the meeting, I offered to help her develop her signature. While working with her, I discovered she was also trying to get her driver’s license. She had already taken the written portion in Spanish and had passed the test. However, she still needed to take the road test, but was terrified of driving and her husband had given up trying to teach her how to drive. Knowing how impatient husbands can be, I decided to help her overcome her fears so that she could get her license. First we practiced road rules with little toy cars. Then she watched me drive and finally I put her behind the wheel of my car. After only two attempts, she earned her driver’s license and proudly signed it with flourish!

On another occasion, I had another opportunity to reach out to the parent for the child's sake. I was working on report cards when a familiar face peeked through my door and said, “Miss, are you busy?” I looked up to see my new ESL student  standing in the door way. I said, “Hi sweetie, what’s up? Do you need help with something?” When she walked up to my desk, I could see tears welling up in her eyes, and when she spoke, she said the last thing I expected to hear. She answered my question with a question of her own. She said, “Miss, do you know how to pray?” I was dumb founded! I knew what I was supposed to say, but my heart wanted to respond, “Yes, I do!” When I finally found my voice, I followed my heart, held out my hands and said, “Yes, as a matter of fact I do.” As soon as our hands touched, she immediately started crying and said, “My mom is dying. She has diabetes really bad! She’s going blind and almost completely deaf, her blood sugar is really high and won't go down and she’s very sick! I’m scared that she’s gonna die this time!”

In one fell swoop, she explained everything that a ream’s worth of documents in her cum folder could not. Fear of losing her mother outweighed  learning to write complete sentences, memorizing the steps of long division or passing the state standardized test! I followed my heart and prayed for this child’s mother.

As reluctant as I was to share my story, much to my surprise, my essays passed through to the final rounds, and I was selected as one of the five finalists for District Teacher of the Year! After such a long arduous journey to get to where I am, it was absolutely amazing to be distinguished as one of the top five teachers out of over 4000 educators in my district.

Yes! I am a champion for my students! I teach the whole child: Body, Mind and Soul!
                                                  Prayer
Father God, I thank you for the plans you made for me and for sending people to guide and direct me in the way you desired me to go. Father you gave me the desires of my heart and more than I could ever ask or think of. Father, what you have done for me, you will do for the one reading this testimony today. Father, touch his/her heart and stir up his/her gifts and talents and awaken the dream that is yet to be fulfilled. Show him/her that it is never too late and that there is no problem or circumstance that is too difficult for you to turn around. In Jesus name. Amen!

The Matrix Move Is NOT Real

       

Although I was a teaching assistant for twelve years and had already been a certified teacher for 5 years, I was by no means a rookie! But my first day in my new assignment as a Pre-K teacher was a fiasco! First of all, I wore a dress! Now when new Pre-K teachers come to me for advice, the first thing I say is, “DO NOT wear a dress on your first day! Dress professionally but dress comfortably and wear closed toe shoes!”

With my assistant Maria at my side, we embarked on our newest adventure as educators. Our Pre-K classroom was far less than perfect. Someone in admin dropped the ball and we didn’t have the furniture or supplies we were promised for our new program. Maria and I set the room up as best we could without a stick of furniture...it finally came 8 weeks later! We had paper and crayon boxes laid out in one area, a few toys in another area, and Maria was sitting in the blue rocking chair waiting to read a book in the library corner.

         We greeted the students and parents in the hallway and led them to the room. Everyone entered and everything was fine. Some of the kids went to the paper and crayon boxes and began to explore, others went to the pile of toys and began to explore, but NOBODY was interested in listening to a story. Parents were taking pictures and filming their children's first day of school.

          I was standing around in my pretty dress trying to look calm, cool and collected. Just as I was getting ready to announce that it was time for the parents to leave, another mom came through the door with her twin boys attached to each of her legs, and they were screaming their heads off! Everyone turned to look at them and then every little boy in the room began crying and running to their parents. But for some reason, all the little girls stayed put and never cried. Actually they looked on in disgust as they watched all the handsome little boys act like babies.

         I went to the mom with the screaming twins and told her to take them to the back of the room and hand them over to my assistant, and then leave the room as fast as she could. She did and of course the twins took off running after her. We tried to block them, distract them, hold them, etc! But those little twins turned into Tasmanian devils....they started picking up toys, papers and crayon boxes and began throwing them at everybody. I tried to rush the parents out of the room, but some just wouldn't leave. We had the remaining parents stand in front of the door. I figured if they were going to stay and gawk then they were going to help!

        Remembering my one day of training, for just such an occasion as this, I knelt down and put myself at eye level with one of the screaming twins. I spoke to him in a soft, calm voice and touched his arm very gently. Well he was having none of that! The next thing I knew, a tiny little fist was coming right at my face. I leaned back in the "Matrix" move...but unlike the slow motion floating effect...I fell flat on my back with my legs under me ( mind you I am wearing my pretty dress) and I hit my head on the floor! I have no idea what happened to the screaming twin and honestly I DID NOT care! My ears were ringing and my big toe felt like someone hit it with a hammer!

         When I finally opened my eyes...there was a dad standing over me with a video camera in my face saying, "... and this is Mrs. Hernandez, Jordan's very first teacher..." All I could think of was, "Oh my God! This is going to end up on America's Funniest Home Videos!"

         Finally everybody left and we somehow got the kids calmed down...even the screaming twins...although they sat in a corner with their arms and legs wrapped around each other like little koala bears. We let them be! They spent their first day in Pre-K watching from their little spot in the room. More importantly, they were not screaming or throwing anything.

         By end of the day, my assistant, Maria and I were exhausted! But we learned from the mistakes we made with the morning class. We were smarter and better prepared for the second class and had very few issues. We revisited our plans and tweaked a few procedures and we would see if things would go smoother the next day.

         I suddenly realized my toe was killing me! I looked down at my newly pedicured and fashionably sandaled feet, and to my horror, I saw that the toenail on my left big toe had broken off about mid way! The more I stared at it the more it throbbed! My poor toe was sore for the next few days!!!

        The next day we were prepared for the screaming twins. But to our surprise, the twins arrived without a single tear, walked right up to me and said in unison, "Good morning teacher!" as if yesterday had never happened! It was smooth sailing for the rest of the year!

The furniture finally arrived and we had a fabulous classroom with everything we needed. Since then we have changed classrooms several times and each time it gets better and better. I have 5 years of Pre-K experience under my belt now, and I never wear dresses on the first day of school…I save them for special occasions!  Every year Maria and I learn a few more do's and don'ts and every year there is at least one new embarrassing incident that we laugh about later. But I can't think of any grade level that is more fun or rewarding!

Oh and by the way, in case you don’t already know this, the “Matrix” move is NOT real…it is a special effect…wish I had known that when I tried it!!! LOL!

Pull Back the Veil

         
         My first year as a teacher, I had a wonderful assistant named Christy. She and I hit it off as soon as we met and became fast friends. But there was always something about Christy that struck a familiar, yet comforting cord with me that I couldn’t quite put my finger on...a look, a subtle gesture, some little something. I had no idea what it was or the profound effect it would have on me in the days to come!

A couple of weeks into the school year, while we were talking, Christy was giggling uncontrollably about something I had said, and she casually tossed her long, black hair over her shoulder with her hand. With that one simple gesture, a wave of recognition and then grief hit me …suddenly I wasn’t seeing Christy anymore…instead I was seeing my long, lost childhood friend…Vena.  In one brief moment with that simple little gesture, it was as if Vena’s bubbly, fun loving personality filled the room.

Like Christy, Vena had beautiful, thick, black hair, and she had a way of tossing it over her shoulder when she laughed. She had a unique little giggle that will forever remain etched in my memory. I stopped in mid sentence when I heard that giggle come from Christy! It left me speechless and brought me to tears. I could feel my chin begin to quiver…and before long, I knew I would be a sobbing mess!

I barely knew Christy, and I didn’t want her to think I was crazy! I didn’t know what else to do so I just shut down and turned my back on her so I could pull myself together. The resemblance was so strong; I couldn’t even look at her for a couple of days!  Of course, I knew it wasn’t Vena or anything weird like that…it’s just that I finally realized what I couldn’t put my finger on before…Vena and Christy were very much alike in many ways!  

Because Vena died a few years earlier, I was feeling the loss more strongly now that I had fulfilled my dream of becoming a teacher, and knowing she never had the chance to fulfill hers. She had been on my mind constantly, and I was missing her more than usual! I finally told Christy how much she reminded me of my childhood friend …so much so that it was almost unsettling. And then I told her the story that I hadn’t shared with anyone else…I told her about my last day with my friend and how God had done the impossible…

Growing up, Vena and I were inseparable, and we always laughed and talked until our cheeks hurt. Our passion was Barbie dolls and we each had a collection of Barbies complete with pink wardrobe cases full of clothes that we shared and traded. Her family moved around quite a bit, but they always came back, and we happily picked up right where we left off, as if she had never left. But as we grew up and went our separate ways as young adults, we lost contact… until I received a phone call some 16 years later.

My mother called one day to tell me that Vena had undergone radical brain surgery to remove a large tumor and was now a permanent resident in a nursing home somewhere in Dallas. The implications of a 33 year old woman needing to live in a nursing home after brain surgery were unfathomable.

Although it would be like finding a needle in a haystack, knowing that she was SOMEWHERE in Dallas gave me hope. But this was an impossible task and I needed a miracle if I was going to find her. Two of my favorite scriptures came to mind, Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and mighty things you do not know.” and Mark 10:27 “All things are possible with God.” So I dried my tears, presented myself before His Throne of Grace and called on MY GOD to help me find my friend. I was depending on Him to make the impossible possible!

Armed with the Dallas Yellow Pages, which were at least 4 inches thick, I immediately began my tedious search by calling nursing homes, one by one and page by page. I had very little to go on, but I repeated the same story call after call…  “I just learned that my childhood friend is in a nursing home somewhere here in the Dallas area, and I am trying to find her. Her name is Vena and, she is a she’s 33 year old Native American woman with severe brain trauma. Do you have a patient that fits this description?”

Most responses were sympathetic and simply said no we don’t have any patients that young. Others were very discouraging. I was told that since I was not family, they could not give me any information without knowing her social security number and date of birth. But I did not give up! I continued calling. Then one day about two weeks into my search, someone suggested that I contact the Indian Tribal Council… I did and within minutes, I received a call from one of Vena’s sisters! As it turned out, Vena was just 25 miles down the road from where I lived!

The next day, with my husband and our 3-year-old daughter at my side, I stood at the nurse’s desk and was informed that Vena would be unresponsive and she wouldn’t even know that I was there. Tears began to sting my eyes as images of us sitting under the shade tree in my front yard played in my mind. Gone were the carefree days of sipping ice cold Coka Cola and playing Barbie dolls on hot summer days.

With our daughter on his hip, my husband and I walked down the long corridor. We passed elderly patients watching television, sleeping or rolling along in wheel chairs. It saddened me to know that despite her young age, Vena could no longer do any of those things.  As we neared her room, I thanked for God hearing my prayer and for making a way out of no way! Despite all the obstacles and lack of information, He led me straight to her!

As we stood outside her door, I prepared myself for what I was about to see. Right before I stepped into her room, I heard “Pull back the veil" in the now familiar still, small voice. I laughed to myself as I thought, “What a strange thing to say…but okay.”  I looked straight at my husband as I prayed, “Lord, I don’t know what it means but, please pull back the veil.”

My husband stood and watched from the doorway with our daughter. As I walked into the room, Vena was sitting in a wheel chair in the middle of the room. As I knelt in front of her, I began to search her face, but the beautiful, vibrant girl I once knew was not there. I did not recognize this poor woman. Her once long, beautiful, black hair was mostly gone. Her head was misshapen and scared from the surgery that took away her memories and cognitive abilities.

But I wasn’t here to pity and gawk at some poor unfortunate stranger. This was my long, lost childhood friend. We had a lot of catching up to do. So I began talking to her and I told her all the things I had saved in my heart over the years. I touched her arm in that familiar way friends do as I talked to her. I noticed her hands were a little dry and seeing a bottle of hand lotion on her night stand, I grabbed it and began to rub lotion onto her hands as I told her how the Lord had helped me find her.

Her head was tilted to one side and her eyes were half open, but they were dull and lifeless. I kept talking… hoping that she could hear my voice and for at least a little while forget where she was. At some point, my conversation turned into prayer. I watched my friend’s face as I prayed, and the words from an old hymn came to mind, “…like a bird from these prison walls I’ll fly… I’ll fly away” and I prayed, “Lord have mercy on this little bird, release her from her prison walls and let her fly away to glory. Help her to mount up on eagles’ wings and fly away from this misery. Let her not linger here shackled to this body. Let her spirit fly home to be with you.”

As I was praying, I saw tears welling up in her eyes and I watched the tears as they slowly rolled down her cheeks, as if the words had touched her. I was hoping it meant that her spirit could hear me so I closed my eyes and continued to pray. At one point I opened my eyes and looked at her and to my surprise, she had the sweetest expression on her face. Her eyes had a glimmer of life in them…they were no longer dull! I was content with that. I felt that at least I had touched her spirit enough that it put a sparkle in her eyes. But then… she very softly spoke my name! I was stunned into silence. I stared at her in shock but then quickly dismissed it. I convinced myself that I heard her speak only because I want it so badly. And then… she spoke again very slowly and softly and this time I saw her lips move! She said, “I like your jacket.” With a little stronger voice, she then asked, "Where is Nita & Patty?" and “Do you still have our Barbies?”

By this time, I had tears streaming down my face and I could hardly speak! Then I remembered the words “Pull back the veil” and now… I had full understanding of their meaning! After a little bit, I could sense her spirit fading, so I asked her if she knew Jesus and she very slowly nodded her head. I went ahead and prayed the sinners’ prayer for her and then I began to thank the Lord for pulling back the veil. He not only helped me find her, he also brought us back together one last time and gave her the ability to speak! We picked up right where we left off, just like when we were little girls! By the time I said “Amen”, she had disappeared behind the veil again. I held her hands and cried as I sat there with her for a little while longer, and there was an overwhelming sense of peace in the room that hadn’t been there when I came in.

Before leaving the nursing home, I told the staff that she had spoken and they of course didn’t believe me. I said, “Well, whether you believe me or not, and whether she did or she didn’t, you need to speak to her, care for her and handle her as if she can.” I learned later that my best friend passed away a few weeks after our visit. Vena and I always had a strong heart connection and I truly believe that she had been asking God to help me find her, and I believe she waited for me so that we could have our last goodbye.

After I told Christy the story about Vena and how much she reminded me of her, we grew even closer. Christy became the friend and companion Vena would have been if she had lived. We developed the same heart connection that Vena and I had…the kind that time, distance and death cannot break.

                                            Prayer

Father God, thank you for being a waymaker. Your Word says,"Seek and you shall find. Call to me and I will listen. Pray to me and I will answer you." Father God, all things are possible with you. You go above and beyond anything we can ask or think. Father God, I lift up the reader at this moment, and I pray that this testimony will be a inspiration. I pray that my humble words will encourage the reader to trust you to make a way out of no way. My Lord, My God, I know without a shadow of doubt that you can do anything but fail! Father God, let your will be done in this reader's life today. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

Che: The Mouse Hunter

I never was a dog person until a little Miniature Pinscher named Che came into my life. He immediately wrapped me around his dainty little pinky claw.

Che was the runt of his litter and his unscrupulous breeders sold him at 5 months old instead of 8. Needless to say, little Che had a rough start in life. He was hypoglycemic and didn’t know how to eat from a bowl because he still should have been nursing at his mother’s breast. I kept him inside my jacket or inside a pouch attached to my body, and at night he slept up against my belly because he couldn't maintain his own body heat. We were running up vet bills that we couldn’t afford and despite medical attention, he almost died four times in the first two months!

           One night, I woke up suddenly and felt that something was wrong. I touched little Che and could tell even in the dark that he was near death. I got up and turned on the light to look and was shocked at the sight my puppy. I could see almost every bone in his little body. He had deteriorated in just a few short hours while we slept.

I woke my husband up and put my helpless little pup into his hands. I could barely speak through the sobs. All I could say was, “Fix him... please fix him!” My husband cupped my little pup in his hands, held him to his heart and began to pray silently. After several minutes, he handed little Che back to me and said, “Don’t worry, he will be alright.” I let out a sigh of relief and felt the despair leave me…until I looked at the hopeless looking little puppy in my hands. He looked exactly the same. Tears ran down my cheeks as I carried him back to bed with me…fully expecting to have to bury him in the morning.

I dreaded opening my eyes the next morning. My heart was heavy and I knew what I was going to find somewhere next to me. I slowly raised myself up out of bed, being careful not to crush the lifeless little body…wherever it was. I turned around to pull back the covers and to my surprise two shiny little eyes were peeking at me from between the pillows. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! When I put my hand out to move the pillow, little Che half jumped and half rolled out to greet me.

He was still skinny, but not like he was only a few hours earlier. His eyes were full of life and he had so much energy, I almost couldn’t catch him. His little stubby tail was spinning like a propeller! I was finally able to scoop him up and take him to the kitchen to show my husband. When I walked into the kitchen, I held little Che up in front of my husband’s face and said, “Look, he’s all better!!!” My husband smiled and said, “I know, he woke me up this morning snuffling my ear!”

After that, little Che grew into big little Che in no time. He had the shiniest, blackest coat and he loved to take baths. He also turned out to be quite the mouser! Ironically, our two cats couldn’t be bothered with catching mice. They preferred Cheetoes and ice cream! But little Che would hunt far and wide for the little boogers! If he couldn’t find any indoors, he would hunt tirelessly outdoors! When fall set in, he had much success as the critters began seeking shelter from the rapidly changing climate.

One cold fall morning, my daughter and I were getting ready for school. I was still putting my make-up on at my vanity and my daughter, Melissa, was already dressed and lying across my bed watching cartoons. Little Che was on the bed chewing on his red ball…or what we thought was his red ball!

Melissa reached back over her head to get the ball to throw it. The wet sliminess of it didn’t cause any alarm. It wasn’t until she had it above her head, getting ready to throw it, that she realized she was holding a bloody internal organ!!! She jumped up, screaming incoherently and pointed to the bed. Of course this scared the daylights out of me, so I am jumping, pointing and screaming too!

Amidst all the commotion, there sat little Che, cocking his pointy earred head to one side trying to figure out what all the fuss is about, and between his dainty little paws were the remains of a fat, juicy mouse with most of his insides lying on my brand new, but slightly blood stained comforter!!! As soon as I saw all the glistening guts and gore, my stomach began to churn, and before I knew what was happening, I was on my hands and knees dry heaving! Last night’s meal was working its way up my throat, and I was dripping cold sweat and makeup onto the carpet.

Somewhere in all the commotion, Melissa, who was now calm, started cleaning up. I tried to pull myself together, but every time I got a glimpse of the glistening bits of flesh, I was dry heaving on the floor again! Meanwhile, little Che just sat there, sadly watching his juicy tidbits being bagged and tagged.

Two or three weeks later, on a cold Saturday afternoon, we were relaxing in robes and jammies while watching a movie. Che brought me one of his mini beanie baby toys so I could play catch with him. After a while, I was tired of playing so I ignored him. Well, he wasn’t having any of that! He grabbed his toys, jumped up on the sofa, dropped it in my lap, and then just sat there and waited. I reached down into my lap, picked up the toy to put it on the end table, but to my horror, it was not a mini beanie baby…it was WHAT WAS LEFT of THE MOUSE’S HEAD from the bed incident a few weeks  earlier! Mind you… my family is totally engross in the movie when suddenly I jump up off the sofa, screaming my head off and ran across the living room, frantically flapping my robe,  while my husband, daughter and little Che looked on with their heads cocked to one side!

We enjoyed six years of comical min pin antics with little Che. He was as bold and courageous as he was funny. But he became ill over night and died in my arms on July 8, 2006. We later discovered that he had been poisoned by kids roaming the neighborhood looking for houses to break into.

His death was a traumatic experience for me because my father-in-law had passed the month before and my heart was still tender from that. Che had survived death so many times before, and I just knew he would be okay this time too, not knowing he had been poisoned. I held him in my arms and kept telling him that he would feel better soon and he would be running and playing in the green grass in no time. But my little Che took his last breath around midnight.

I was so devastated! I had never lost a pet like that and the images haunted me for days. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and I finally had to force myself go to bed. I asked God to take away the sadness and the haunting images so I could sleep and hopefully have peaceful dreams.

It seems that as soon as I laid my head down and fell asleep, I immediately  stepped into a grassy meadow. It was a bright beautiful day with clear blue skies that went on forever. There was a wonderfully cool breeze blowing through my hair and caressing my skin. I was standing in soft green grass that felt cool on my feet and ankles. In the distance I saw a man approaching. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t see his face very well. I watched him closely as he came into sight and then I realized it was my father-in-law. He yelled to me, “Mija, don’t worry, your little dog is here!“ Right at that moment, Che ran from somewhere behind me, stopping in the middle of the meadow, with one paw picked up in his birddog stance, looking expectantly toward my father-in-law.

Then suddenly, my father-in-law was right next to me! He looked at me with the sweet smile I always loved so much and said, “Mija, ya no llores…don’t cry anymore!”  Then he was suddenly in the middle of the field, walking away as little Che pranced by his side, looking expectantly up at Papalito's hand , as if he was waiting for him to throw a ball or something!

I woke up just as my husband sat on the side of the bed to check on me. I was completely at peace and I awoke with a smile on my face. My husband said, “Wow you’re smiling!” I said, “Yes, it’s because I just saw Papalito, and he told me not to cry anymore because Che is with him. We were in a beautiful green meadow, and all the colors were clear and crisp. It looked like Papalito was getting ready to play catch with Che in the big meadow!”

Later while I was preparing myself something to eat, I recalled that I had  promised Che that he would feel better soon and he would be running and playing in the green grass again...and he did! 

In times such as this, I am reminded that God cares about all the things, big and small, that are concerns to us. In I Peter 5:7 it says, Cast all your cares (concerns, worries, troubles, problems, anxieties, fears, burdens) upon Him for he cares for you. There is nothing God can't fix... from a broken helpless puppy to a broken wounded heart or a shattered life. God is the way maker & the burden lifter. What can He do for you today that you have not been able to do for yourself?

     

Aunt Mosie: My Seventy-Something Year-Old Bodyguard

When my mother died in 1995, I had to make the trip without my husband and children because our 5 year old daughter had chicken pox. Armed with detailed instructions, diagrams and a map, I headed to my hometown in Oklahoma to make my mother's funeral arrangements. I would be spending several eventful days with my beloved Aunt Mozelle a.k.a Aunt Mosie.

Aunt Mosie knew that I was worried about handling Mama's funeral arrangments  by myself and dealing with her family. They demonstrated hatred and disdain for me my whole life, and I wasn't sure how it was going to go now that Mama was gone. So as soon as I arrived at Aunt Mosie’s house she sat me down at the dining table and said, “Darlin’, I know you are scared and worried about your mother’s people, but I just want you to remember that the Lord is with you in everything you do. He will make everything as easy as fallin’ off a log!”  I knew she was right and I was feeling better about the situation, and then she said, “Honey, you don’t have to worry about a thing because I am going to be your bodyguard! I won’t let any of those people mistreat you, and I won’t let you out of my sight for a minute!”

I will never forget the expression on her face. Aunt Mosie always had the prettiest smile and sparkliest eyes. I had never heard her curse, raise her voice or speak harshly to anyone!  But at that moment she had a fierce expression on her face. It only lasted just a few seconds, but it rattled me! I don’t know if I was more shocked by the fire in her eyes or that she saw herself as bodyguard material! I didn’t know whether to laugh or start crying again! Fortunately, I didn’t have a chance to do either because about that time she took my hands into hers and began to pray.

I usually bow my head and close my eyes during prayers, but I couldn’t help but look at Aunt Mosie’s face as she prayed with such power and confidence. I don’t remember her words, but I remember feeling an electrical charge coming through her hands. Afterwards I felt tingly and completely at peace.

When we went to the funeral home, true to her word, Aunt Mosie went into bodyguard mode… she became very quiet, watchful and serious, which is an unnatural state of being for Aunt Mosie! At one point I had to stifle a giggle because I thought to myself, “I hope the funeral director doesn’t get out of line!”

During my meeting with the funeral director, she informed me that I was her boss and she would answer ONLY to me. I assumed she knew what I might be up against with mama’s family, or that they had already contacted her. After making all the necessary arrangments, I lastly informed her that I would do my mother’s makeup myself. I didn’t ask if I could do it…I simply told her I was going to do it. She was a little stunned, but very diplomatically said, “That is a very honorable thing to want to do, but makeup and hairstyling are all part of our services and it is simply too emotionally taxing for family members to do.”  I said, "I understand that, but this is something I have to do because I promised my mother that I would. I have always done her makeup and she won’t look the same if you do it.” The funeral director looked over at Aunt Mosie for a second and then turned back to me and said, “I have never had this kind of request before, but alright I will allow you to do it, but if you find you can’t, I will take over.”

As soon as we got into the car, Aunt Mosie was her chatty old self again. All the way home I quietly listened as she endlessly informed me… “Darlin’ you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Honey, as a nurse, I have seen many dead bodies and it was never pleasant. Are you sure you want to do this? You know, most people can’t handle touching a corpse. I don’t want you to feel bad if you can’t follow through. Are you sure you can do this? And lastly…Well, if this is what you really want to do, I will be right there by your side.” I said, “Aunt Mosie, that’s what I was waiting to hear. I will be fine. I can do this.” She said, “Ok then. I won’t say anything else about it.” … but she did…right up to the next day when we stood at the door of the funeral home !

The next morning we got up early to wait for the funeral director to call us to let us know when everything was ready. Aunt Mosie wanted to make a big breakfast for me, and she waited on me hand and foot. But food was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to be quiet. Aunt Mosie was extra chatty and a little uneasy and nervous, so to appease her, I said, “You know what, I am starving. Let’s have a little bite to eat.” She made the biggest breakfast I have ever seen! It looked like a small Thanksgiving feast. There were homemade waffles, eggs, coffee, orange juice, sausage and bacon! I ate everything she put in front of me and prayed that I wouldn’t throw it up later!

Finally we got the call. On the way to the funeral home, Aunt Mosie repeated all the things she had said the day before, but I stayed quiet and just kept driving. She chattered all the way up the steps of the funeral home, but as soon as we walked in, she went into bodyguard mode again and was completely silent and watchful! It was amazing!

The funeral director asked me one last time if I was sure I wanted to do my mother’s makeup, and I said yes. Again she looked at Aunt Mosie, but Aunt Mosie was quiet as a mouse. In hindsight, this poor woman was probably wondering what was wrong with her! She then reminded me one last time that she would be nearby and led us into the prep room.

As we walked in, I was a little shocked that the prep room looked a lot like a restaurant kitchen! There was a big stainless steel refrigerator looking thing, deep stainless steel sinks, a hanging stainless steel scale, like the ones in the produce department at the grocery store, and in the center of the room was the stainless steel table where my mother lay “sleeping” in her pretty pink dress.

While I was getting myself set up, Aunt Mosie started sweet talking Mama like she always did. This combined with the kitchen atmosphere made everything seem kinda normal. I looked at my mother, expecting her to open her eyes, and I began to have a flood of memories and for a minute I thought I wasn’t going to be able to follow through. My eyes were filling with tears. But Aunt Mosie touched my arm and said, “Darlin, I know how determined you are to do this. The Lord didn't let you come this far to fail. Take a deep breath. You will be alright. I am right here and I will help you however I can.” She then stepped to the end of the table and quietly began to massage Mama’s feet.

I was touched by Aunt Mosie’s gentleness toward the woman on the table. Mama always treated Aunt Mosie with the same hateful disdain that her sister directed towards me. I watched Mama  humiliate and mistreat Aunt Mosie on countless occasions. Yet here was Aunt Mosie, caressing my mother’s feet as if she had been the most loving, influential person in her life.

As I went about the task at hand, I began remembering different incidents that I had witnessed between Aunt Mosie and my mother. Every time Aunt Mosie came to our house, she always brought a cobble or cake. She never came empty handed and she never stayed very long. But Mama always snarled, turned red in the face and gritted her teeth when she saw her coming up the walk. I never could figure out why Mama acted like that. I always sat quietly and watched and tried to figure out what it was that made Mama hate the sight of Aunt Mosie. By the time Aunt Mosie got to the door Mama would open the door with a smile on her face, hug Aunt Mosie and say, “Well hello Mozelle, come on in this house!”

A giggle began to well up in me as I wondered if Mama was gritting her teeth now that she was spending her last moments on earth with Aunt Mosie lovingly massaging her feet! I guess I giggled out loud because Aunt Mosie looked up and asked if I was ok. I said, “Yes ma’am, I’m just remembering things.” She whispered, “Well Darlin,’ I don’t think this is the time to be laughing.”

By this time I couldn’t contain the giggles…kinda like the ones you get in church and the more you try to suppress them the worse they get!  I said, “Well Aunt Mosie, if you knew what I was laughing about, you would be laughing too!” She was quiet for a bit and then curiosity got the best of her and she asked, “Well, what are you laughing about?” So I told her that I wondered if Mama was gritting her teeth because she was there. Despite herself, she busted out laughing and her top dentures fell down a little bit and she had to catch them! She began talking about all the times she had come to the house and that Mama was always nice to her face and hateful, nasty to her back.

 I was shocked that all those years Aunt Mosie knew exactly what was going on behind closed doors as she was coming up the walk. She said, “Well I knew it annoyed her that I came over, but I wanted to see my Daddy. I had every reason in the world to dislike her, and I could have treated her the way she treated me, but the Lord just wouldn’t let me.” 

After that, we reminisced about all kinds of things… good, bad, happy and sad.  I was completely at ease now, and I was able to apply Mama's makeup just like I did when she was alive. It almost felt like old times, when Mama would sit in her favorite chair in the dining room while I dyed or styled her hair, or all the times I tried to teacher her how to draw on her eyebrows, but somehow they always came out cockeyed when she did it.

            I also recalled the time I came out and spent 2 weeks with her, and I gave her diningroom and kitchen a little makeover. While I painted, she pointed out the spots I missed. Afterwards we sat at the dining table and she told me stories of her childhood and about life during the depression. Mama and I talked about the hard things too. 

            As I stood over my mama's lifeless body, putting her makeup on for the last time, I hoped her spirit was pleased that I had kept my promise. Although it was a somber a moment and my heart was sad to have to say goodbye, laughter still came easily and naturally because all the past hurts were forgiven. Mama's journey was finished and mine and Aunt Mosie's would continue on a little while longer.

           I guess we had gotten a little loud because the funeral director came in to check on us. She said, "My goodness, I heard laughter! I am glad this was not as traumatizing for you as I thought." She looked at my work and surprisingly told me I had done a wonderful job, and she smiled and left us to spend alittle more time with Mama. 

The next day the funeral would be at 2:00 P.M. Aunt Mosie, knowing this would be the hardest day, made another huge breakfast for us and did everything she could to keep my spirits up. We sat at the table long after breakfast was over. I reminisced about some of the happier times I had with my Mama. But then I asked Aunt Mosie how she could be so forgiving and sweet to someone that mistreated her on a regular basis. I then asked her about her childhood and about my grandmother. My eyes were opened to a whole new level of Aunt Mosie. Unfortunately, Mama never took the time to notice that Aunt Mosie didn’t have a vengeful spirit. She was always sweet and kind and never uttered an incriminating word against my mother.

When we got the call that it was time to get the cars lined up, I called Mama’s family to let them know. I was told that her sister wanted to see me before the funeral. I knew what I would be walking into and I could have said no, but I decided to go. I had my bodyguard after all!

Aunt Mosie prayed with me before we left, and again I felt that same electrical charge and sense of peace. When we arrived at their house, there were several cars parked in the drive way and on the street. The WHOLE clan was there. I felt a twinge of fear rising up in my belly, but I looked over at my faithful bodyguard and the fear left. I said, “Ok Aunt Mosie, it’s show time!”  She looked at me, smiled, patted my arm and said, “Darlin’ the Lord told me He is your protector. You don’t need me. I will sit here in the car.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!  My heart dropped like a rock, but then I suddenly knew she was right. He had been with me this whole time. So I got out and  walked slowly to the house.

On my way, I said “Lord what a day to have a sense of humor with me!  First you give me Aunt Mosie as a bodyguard, and then you pull her off the job just when it gets interesting! But Lord, if you are for me, who can be against me, right?” Suddenly I felt that electricity again and I walked into my mother’s sister’s house. She was the one that seemed to have hated me the most. She always made sure to go out of her way to put me in my place. As much as I dreaded the expected confrontation, I promised myself I would hold my peace and maintain my integrity.

I stepped about 3 feet into her living room and stopped. The room was very dim and filled with cigarette and cigar smoke. Mama’s nieces, nephews, cousins, brother and sister were standing and sitting shoulder to shoulder all around the perimeter of the smoke filled room. I could barely make out their faces, but I could certainly feel their disapproving eyes on me! My first thought was, “Oh my God, I’m in the lions’ den!”

Then to my left a deep voice spoke and when I turned to look there was a very tall, very bald and extremely rotund man standing near the door in the sunlight. He and his spot of light were ALL lit up, but the rest of the room and the rest of the family were hovering in various shades of darkness.

I stepped towards him and he stuck out his hand so I slowly put my hand in his. It was huge and warm. I looked up at his face and he had the sweetest, kindest, bluest eyes. I decided he must be a friend or something. He certainly couldn't be one of them! When I introduced myself, he said, “I know who you are, and I am very pleased to meet you. I have heard a lot of things about you today, but none of them jive with what the lady at the funeral home told me. She told me what you did for your mother, and I have got to say that my cousin never looked better! She looks better today than she did when I saw her 20 years ago!”

I was shocked that the funeral director told him what I had done.  It never even occurred to me to tell her to keep it a secret. Relieved to be talking to him, I told him it was time to line the cars up and that I had made arrangements for Mama’s sister to ride in the family limo with whomever she chose to include. He said, "But Darlin, as her daughter, you should ride in the first car!" I said, "No sir, I prefer to let her sister have the limo." He then held my hand with both of his and looked me in the eyes with a certain little twinkle and said, “Rest easy young lady, I will take care of everything here. You won’t have any trouble today.”  I understood exactly what he was saying and I felt the electricity again!

When I got back to the car, Aunt Mosie was all smiles. She said, “The Lord made it easier than falling off a log, now didn’t He?”  I told her about the big man standing in the only light in the room. She said, ”The Lord told me He would be with you!”

          After Mama was laid to rest, I stopped by the funeral home, before leaving town, to thank the director for guiding me through the difficult process. I don’t know what she REALLY thought about our odd behavior that day, but she was quite taken with me. She said, "Young lady, your mother would have been very proud of how you handled yourself here. I must admit, I was very concerned about allowing you to do your mother's make-up, but I am very impressed with what you accomplished. If you ever find yourself in need of a job, I will hire you on the spot!  Well needless to say, that was the last thing I expected to hear!  I politely declined her job offer... but in my head I was thinking, "Eeewww!"

In hindsight, I realize the days that should have been the worst, turned out to be the best. Afterall, God does promise us that all things work together for the good of those that love Him! I enjoyed the days that I spent with Aunt Mosie, and I had her all to myself. She taught me so many lessons about trusting the Lord, just by being her sweet, loving self. I think she learned a few things from me too. She shared stories about her mother, her father, her childhood and what her life was like as a young woman and mother.

What I learned from Aunt Mosie was that although she suffered a lot, she never wavered with God. She always chose Him above all else. She was laughed at, excluded and spit on. Aunt Mosie even went as far as to bake a beautiful birthday cake for Mama’s sister and when she delivered it, Mama’s sister threw the cake at her. Aunt Mosie drove home covered in colored frosting.

Aunt Mosie was always a Daddy’s girl, but her daddy would barely speak to her. She told me that when she prayed for her children, grandchildren and the generations to come, she prayed that all of them would have love and closeness as a family and that the men in her family would be loving daddies to their children but especially to their little girls. Above all else, she prayed that her family would live their lives for the Lord just as she had.

As with me, Aunt Mosie planted the seeds of faith in everyone she met. She taught by example. I think of her beautiful garden that year after year bore much fruit. She planted seeds and nurtured the plants until they yielded a crop. What she did in her physical garden, she also did in her spiritual garden. Aunt Mosie bore much fruit!

Stirring Up the Nest

        

          Recently I began to feel very restless and uneasy. I kept feeling that something was missing or that I was supposed to be doing something but just couldn’t figure out what it was! I kept thinking there has to be more to life than this…what am I missing? Have YOU ever felt this way…or is it just me?

          Someone once said to me, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got!” I love this saying because it always makes me THINK! Basically it means, when you do things the same old way you will always get the same old result.

 One day I was flipping through my bible looking for a particular passage when my eyes fell on a note I had written in the margin, “stir up the nest”. I looked up the passage and realized that my restlessness may be a signal that my life had become stagnant. I was at a stand-still and not growing. So I said, “Lord, I think I’m ready for a change, a challenge. I don’t want to do the same old thing and get the same old results, so Lord, stir up my nest!”

          Ok, a little warning here…don’t tell God you are ready for a challenge IF you really don’t mean it!!! But if you are up for an adventure…open your heart and open your mouth before God and invite Him to stir up your nest. You will be delightfully surprised at the hidden gifts and talents and opportunities that He will reveal in you!

          Deuteronomy 32:11 says that God is like an eagle hovering over its young stirring up its nest.

          Having taught about the lifecycle of the eagle, I know that baby eagles are reluctant to leave the comforts of their nest. Like us, they become lazy and complacent with life just as it is. Why mess with a good thing? If it ain't broke, why fix it?

          Eagles are born to soar. They are genetically hardwired to do what they do! At a certain time, the mother eagle begin's to pull out all the creature comforts to make the nest as uncomfortable and inhospitable as possible. This causes the eaglet venture further out onto the edge of the nest where it has to hang on for dear life. Strong gusts of wind threaten to knock the eaglet off its perch. Instictively the eaglet begins to flap his wings and lift off a little bit. The very thing that the eaglet is afraid of is what makes him stronger.

        The eagle parents teach their young by example, and eventually the little eagle has to take a dive!  Sometimes the mother eagle will even push the eaglet out of the nest if she sees he will not attempt to fly on his own! But either way, the eaglet has to to fly in order to survive.

          Sometimes the eaglet catches the wind and takes wing immediately and sometimes it tumbles head over heels in a barrel roll, plummeting like a rock. The mother eagle stays right with her eaglet, somehow encouraging it to pull up. Instinct kicks in and the eaglet pulls out of the barrel roll and rides the wind!!!

          God is this way with us. He allows us to stay in our comfort zones and sit back on our laurels for a little while, but when change is needed, something happens. We can either sit and complain or step out on faith and do something we've never done before! The unknown is always a little scary at first but then your adrenelin kiscks in and you are shifted into survival mode. You are determined to succeed and be better than you were before.  

          It says in John 14:12 Truely I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

         WOW! The Word says we can do greater things than Jesus did! Whoa! No wonder He stirs up our nest and tries to get us to dream bigger and trust him to help us carry it out. In Jeremiah 29:11 the Word says, “I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD.

Ok, ok…get this, according to His word, God Almighty has already made special plans for us…promising us a future full of hope and He intends for us to do greater things than Jesus did! When we become complacent, He will stir up our nest and push us out of our comfort zones to seek higher levels!!! WOW! It’s amazing that He has such big dreams for people such as us! If that’s not enough, He has given us the power from within… Phillipians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength”.

          Friend, the only thing God has ever asked of us is to simply BELIEVE and He will do the rest. We have been guilty of believing so many stupid things, but we resist believing God! Do something different today… come out of your comfort zone and take a chance! Ask Him to stir up your nest and then get ready to mount up on eagles' wings and take flight!

Prayer

Father God, I come before your throne of grace in humble submission. I have lived my life, my way, and seem to be going nowhere fast! I believe there is more to me than just this. I open up my heart to you today. Forgive me for my sins and teach me the way I should go.
 Your Word says you will hear me and answer me if I cry out to you. Your Word says I can do greater things than what you did. Show me how to do better with what you have given me. Your Word says you have plans for me. Show me your plans and teach me how to accomplish them.
I can believe some things in your Word, but I need help to believe ALL the things in your Word. In Jesus name I ask. Amen.

Mmmmm...Choice Morsels

      Has this ever happened to you? You decide to go on a diet to lose some weight, and you cut out all the sugary, greasy, gooey, yummy food that you love so much. It is a hard decision to make and stick to because all those things are just so irresistible & delicious! But you know it is clogging your arteries, pushing your cholesterol over the edge and wreaking havoc with your blood sugar!

      So now, you have been really good for a whole week or maybe even longer and then, out of the blue, here comes a friend or coworker with a plate of cookies or chocolate cake or some deliciously greasy savory snack that has your mouth watering and your stomach growling! Mmmmm choice morsels, tasty trifles, juicy tidbits! You cannot resist! You have been so good and this would be like a little reward! It won’t do any harm to have just a little and let your hair down for a minute, right?

      Well, then the next thing you know, your stomach is rolling and rumbling! Your intestines are cramping and spasming! Your body acts like you have tried to poison it, and it begins the ejection process! You react one of two ways… you vow to never cheat on your diet again and stick to your new lifestyle and learn to be selective about the tasty trifles you put into your body. Or you suffer the digestive consequences and happily go back to eating all your favorite juicy tidbits . After all, you’re going to die someday anyway…might as well enjoy life! Right?

      As the owners of theses temples, not made by hands, we are solely responsible for everything that goes into our bodies and the consequences thereof! We have been given free will to choose for ourselves what to allow into our digestive systems as well as into our HEARTS. What we put into our mouth goes into the stomach and out of the body. However, things that we see with our eyes and hear with our ears go down into the heart and remain. The Word says in Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." So if your heart is full of good things, you will speak with good intentions. If your heart is full of hate, you will speak with evil intentions.

      The Word calls gossip "choice morsels" and "tasty trifles"! Hmmm, sounds yummy huh? Many of us know gossip is bad, but just like those yummy, gooey, tidbits gossip is irresistible for most people! Gossip is a guilty pleasure that mostly women indulge in, but men are not exempt!  Seriously girls, how many times have we scrambled to a quiet corner with a friend to share some juicy little tidbit we just heard?  How many times have we hurriedly called a friend to share a secret we were just told in strictest confidence?

       It’s all good until we are the subject of the gossip mill! Right? Somehow, when we are the target, we suddenly see the juicy tidbits as malicious, slanderous, envious, jealous lies! Well, gossip is always ALL those things and more.  Gossip destroys lives and reputations where ever it is present. Gossip spreads like wildfire and is hard to contain because it has so many far reaching tentacles.

      Just as juicy tidbits of food can wreak havoc in our physical body, choice morsels of gossip will wreak havoc in our spiritual body. Gossip begins as a tiny seed, but quickly puts down a bitter tap root. Where there is gossip  strife, envy, jealousy, slander, hatred, maliciousness, self ambition and all manner of nastiness soon develops!

Proverbs 26:22 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.  James 3:8 It (the tongue) is a restless evil, and full of deadly poison.

      When we allow a gossip to whisper into our ear, their lies go into our heart. Little by little our whole being becomes poisoned and we being to think and act differently. Out whole attitude changes because we have allowed lies to get in and take hold of us body, mind and soul!

Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us that there are certain actions that God HATES. Notice how they all involve gossip and lying in some way! 

  ¹⁶ These six things the LORD hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him:

 ¹⁷ A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,
 ¹⁸ A heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,
¹⁹ A false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren.

      Oh Lord, have mercy! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to participate in any activity that God HATES! We don’t have a choice about a lot of things in life, but gossiping is a choice. Let's choose to close our ears to gossip. Let's choose to speak only good things about people. If you can't think of anything good to say, then it's best to just be quiet! Let's choose to focus on the best in people rather than the worst!

      I want God to find my heart full of love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, patience and self-control...what about you? If your heart is full of Godly things, then there will be no room for wicked things! 

Prayer

      Father God, I come before your throne of grace in humble submission. Father, I forgive those that have spoken falsely against me , and I ask for forgiveness for speaking falsely against others. Father, please put a guard at the gates of my lips, and teach me to speak life and not death over myself, my family, my friends and my enemies. Father, give me a clean heart and give me wisdom and understabding so that I may serve you in spirit and in truth. In Jesus’ name I ask. Amen.