When my mother died in 1995, I had to make the trip without my husband and children because our 5 year old daughter had chicken pox. Armed with detailed instructions, diagrams and a map, I headed to my hometown in Oklahoma to make my mother's funeral arrangements. I would be spending several eventful days with my beloved Aunt Mozelle a.k.a Aunt Mosie.
Aunt Mosie knew that I was worried about handling Mama's funeral arrangments by myself and dealing with her family. They demonstrated hatred and disdain for me my whole life, and I wasn't sure how it was going to go now that Mama was gone. So as soon as I arrived at Aunt Mosie’s house she sat me down at the dining table and said, “Darlin’, I know you are scared and worried about your mother’s people, but I just want you to remember that the Lord is with you in everything you do. He will make everything as easy as fallin’ off a log!” I knew she was right and I was feeling better about the situation, and then she said, “Honey, you don’t have to worry about a thing because I am going to be your bodyguard! I won’t let any of those people mistreat you, and I won’t let you out of my sight for a minute!”
I will never forget the expression on her face. Aunt Mosie always had the prettiest smile and sparkliest eyes. I had never heard her curse, raise her voice or speak harshly to anyone! But at that moment she had a fierce expression on her face. It only lasted just a few seconds, but it rattled me! I don’t know if I was more shocked by the fire in her eyes or that she saw herself as bodyguard material! I didn’t know whether to laugh or start crying again! Fortunately, I didn’t have a chance to do either because about that time she took my hands into hers and began to pray.
I usually bow my head and close my eyes during prayers, but I couldn’t help but look at Aunt Mosie’s face as she prayed with such power and confidence. I don’t remember her words, but I remember feeling an electrical charge coming through her hands. Afterwards I felt tingly and completely at peace.
When we went to the funeral home, true to her word, Aunt Mosie went into bodyguard mode… she became very quiet, watchful and serious, which is an unnatural state of being for Aunt Mosie! At one point I had to stifle a giggle because I thought to myself, “I hope the funeral director doesn’t get out of line!”
During my meeting with the funeral director, she informed me that I was her boss and she would answer ONLY to me. I assumed she knew what I might be up against with mama’s family, or that they had already contacted her. After making all the necessary arrangments, I lastly informed her that I would do my mother’s makeup myself. I didn’t ask if I could do it…I simply told her I was going to do it. She was a little stunned, but very diplomatically said, “That is a very honorable thing to want to do, but makeup and hairstyling are all part of our services and it is simply too emotionally taxing for family members to do.” I said, "I understand that, but this is something I have to do because I promised my mother that I would. I have always done her makeup and she won’t look the same if you do it.” The funeral director looked over at Aunt Mosie for a second and then turned back to me and said, “I have never had this kind of request before, but alright I will allow you to do it, but if you find you can’t, I will take over.”
As soon as we got into the car, Aunt Mosie was her chatty old self again. All the way home I quietly listened as she endlessly informed me… “Darlin’ you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Honey, as a nurse, I have seen many dead bodies and it was never pleasant. Are you sure you want to do this? You know, most people can’t handle touching a corpse. I don’t want you to feel bad if you can’t follow through. Are you sure you can do this? And lastly…Well, if this is what you really want to do, I will be right there by your side.” I said, “Aunt Mosie, that’s what I was waiting to hear. I will be fine. I can do this.” She said, “Ok then. I won’t say anything else about it.” … but she did…right up to the next day when we stood at the door of the funeral home !
The next morning we got up early to wait for the funeral director to call us to let us know when everything was ready. Aunt Mosie wanted to make a big breakfast for me, and she waited on me hand and foot. But food was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to be quiet. Aunt Mosie was extra chatty and a little uneasy and nervous, so to appease her, I said, “You know what, I am starving. Let’s have a little bite to eat.” She made the biggest breakfast I have ever seen! It looked like a small Thanksgiving feast. There were homemade waffles, eggs, coffee, orange juice, sausage and bacon! I ate everything she put in front of me and prayed that I wouldn’t throw it up later!
Finally we got the call. On the way to the funeral home, Aunt Mosie repeated all the things she had said the day before, but I stayed quiet and just kept driving. She chattered all the way up the steps of the funeral home, but as soon as we walked in, she went into bodyguard mode again and was completely silent and watchful! It was amazing!
The funeral director asked me one last time if I was sure I wanted to do my mother’s makeup, and I said yes. Again she looked at Aunt Mosie, but Aunt Mosie was quiet as a mouse. In hindsight, this poor woman was probably wondering what was wrong with her! She then reminded me one last time that she would be nearby and led us into the prep room.
As we walked in, I was a little shocked that the prep room looked a lot like a restaurant kitchen! There was a big stainless steel refrigerator looking thing, deep stainless steel sinks, a hanging stainless steel scale, like the ones in the produce department at the grocery store, and in the center of the room was the stainless steel table where my mother lay “sleeping” in her pretty pink dress.
While I was getting myself set up, Aunt Mosie started sweet talking Mama like she always did. This combined with the kitchen atmosphere made everything seem kinda normal. I looked at my mother, expecting her to open her eyes, and I began to have a flood of memories and for a minute I thought I wasn’t going to be able to follow through. My eyes were filling with tears. But Aunt Mosie touched my arm and said, “Darlin, I know how determined you are to do this. The Lord didn't let you come this far to fail. Take a deep breath. You will be alright. I am right here and I will help you however I can.” She then stepped to the end of the table and quietly began to massage Mama’s feet.
I was touched by Aunt Mosie’s gentleness toward the woman on the table. Mama always treated Aunt Mosie with the same hateful disdain that her sister directed towards me. I watched Mama humiliate and mistreat Aunt Mosie on countless occasions. Yet here was Aunt Mosie, caressing my mother’s feet as if she had been the most loving, influential person in her life.
As I went about the task at hand, I began remembering different incidents that I had witnessed between Aunt Mosie and my mother. Every time Aunt Mosie came to our house, she always brought a cobble or cake. She never came empty handed and she never stayed very long. But Mama always snarled, turned red in the face and gritted her teeth when she saw her coming up the walk. I never could figure out why Mama acted like that. I always sat quietly and watched and tried to figure out what it was that made Mama hate the sight of Aunt Mosie. By the time Aunt Mosie got to the door Mama would open the door with a smile on her face, hug Aunt Mosie and say, “Well hello Mozelle, come on in this house!”
A giggle began to well up in me as I wondered if Mama was gritting her teeth now that she was spending her last moments on earth with Aunt Mosie lovingly massaging her feet! I guess I giggled out loud because Aunt Mosie looked up and asked if I was ok. I said, “Yes ma’am, I’m just remembering things.” She whispered, “Well Darlin,’ I don’t think this is the time to be laughing.”
By this time I couldn’t contain the giggles…kinda like the ones you get in church and the more you try to suppress them the worse they get! I said, “Well Aunt Mosie, if you knew what I was laughing about, you would be laughing too!” She was quiet for a bit and then curiosity got the best of her and she asked, “Well, what are you laughing about?” So I told her that I wondered if Mama was gritting her teeth because she was there. Despite herself, she busted out laughing and her top dentures fell down a little bit and she had to catch them! She began talking about all the times she had come to the house and that Mama was always nice to her face and hateful, nasty to her back.
I was shocked that all those years Aunt Mosie knew exactly what was going on behind closed doors as she was coming up the walk. She said, “Well I knew it annoyed her that I came over, but I wanted to see my Daddy. I had every reason in the world to dislike her, and I could have treated her the way she treated me, but the Lord just wouldn’t let me.”
After that, we reminisced about all kinds of things… good, bad, happy and sad. I was completely at ease now, and I was able to apply Mama's makeup just like I did when she was alive. It almost felt like old times, when Mama would sit in her favorite chair in the dining room while I dyed or styled her hair, or all the times I tried to teacher her how to draw on her eyebrows, but somehow they always came out cockeyed when she did it.
I also recalled the time I came out and spent 2 weeks with her, and I gave her diningroom and kitchen a little makeover. While I painted, she pointed out the spots I missed. Afterwards we sat at the dining table and she told me stories of her childhood and about life during the depression. Mama and I talked about the hard things too.
As I stood over my mama's lifeless body, putting her makeup on for the last time, I hoped her spirit was pleased that I had kept my promise. Although it was a somber a moment and my heart was sad to have to say goodbye, laughter still came easily and naturally because all the past hurts were forgiven. Mama's journey was finished and mine and Aunt Mosie's would continue on a little while longer.
I guess we had gotten a little loud because the funeral director came in to check on us. She said, "My goodness, I heard laughter! I am glad this was not as traumatizing for you as I thought." She looked at my work and surprisingly told me I had done a wonderful job, and she smiled and left us to spend alittle more time with Mama.
The next day the funeral would be at 2:00 P.M. Aunt Mosie, knowing this would be the hardest day, made another huge breakfast for us and did everything she could to keep my spirits up. We sat at the table long after breakfast was over. I reminisced about some of the happier times I had with my Mama. But then I asked Aunt Mosie how she could be so forgiving and sweet to someone that mistreated her on a regular basis. I then asked her about her childhood and about my grandmother. My eyes were opened to a whole new level of Aunt Mosie. Unfortunately, Mama never took the time to notice that Aunt Mosie didn’t have a vengeful spirit. She was always sweet and kind and never uttered an incriminating word against my mother.
When we got the call that it was time to get the cars lined up, I called Mama’s family to let them know. I was told that her sister wanted to see me before the funeral. I knew what I would be walking into and I could have said no, but I decided to go. I had my bodyguard after all!
Aunt Mosie prayed with me before we left, and again I felt that same electrical charge and sense of peace. When we arrived at their house, there were several cars parked in the drive way and on the street. The WHOLE clan was there. I felt a twinge of fear rising up in my belly, but I looked over at my faithful bodyguard and the fear left. I said, “Ok Aunt Mosie, it’s show time!” She looked at me, smiled, patted my arm and said, “Darlin’ the Lord told me He is your protector. You don’t need me. I will sit here in the car.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! My heart dropped like a rock, but then I suddenly knew she was right. He had been with me this whole time. So I got out and walked slowly to the house.
On my way, I said “Lord what a day to have a sense of humor with me! First you give me Aunt Mosie as a bodyguard, and then you pull her off the job just when it gets interesting! But Lord, if you are for me, who can be against me, right?” Suddenly I felt that electricity again and I walked into my mother’s sister’s house. She was the one that seemed to have hated me the most. She always made sure to go out of her way to put me in my place. As much as I dreaded the expected confrontation, I promised myself I would hold my peace and maintain my integrity.
I stepped about 3 feet into her living room and stopped. The room was very dim and filled with cigarette and cigar smoke. Mama’s nieces, nephews, cousins, brother and sister were standing and sitting shoulder to shoulder all around the perimeter of the smoke filled room. I could barely make out their faces, but I could certainly feel their disapproving eyes on me! My first thought was, “Oh my God, I’m in the lions’ den!”
Then to my left a deep voice spoke and when I turned to look there was a very tall, very bald and extremely rotund man standing near the door in the sunlight. He and his spot of light were ALL lit up, but the rest of the room and the rest of the family were hovering in various shades of darkness.
I stepped towards him and he stuck out his hand so I slowly put my hand in his. It was huge and warm. I looked up at his face and he had the sweetest, kindest, bluest eyes. I decided he must be a friend or something. He certainly couldn't be one of them! When I introduced myself, he said, “I know who you are, and I am very pleased to meet you. I have heard a lot of things about you today, but none of them jive with what the lady at the funeral home told me. She told me what you did for your mother, and I have got to say that my cousin never looked better! She looks better today than she did when I saw her 20 years ago!”
I was shocked that the funeral director told him what I had done. It never even occurred to me to tell her to keep it a secret. Relieved to be talking to him, I told him it was time to line the cars up and that I had made arrangements for Mama’s sister to ride in the family limo with whomever she chose to include. He said, "But Darlin, as her daughter, you should ride in the first car!" I said, "No sir, I prefer to let her sister have the limo." He then held my hand with both of his and looked me in the eyes with a certain little twinkle and said, “Rest easy young lady, I will take care of everything here. You won’t have any trouble today.” I understood exactly what he was saying and I felt the electricity again!
When I got back to the car, Aunt Mosie was all smiles. She said, “The Lord made it easier than falling off a log, now didn’t He?” I told her about the big man standing in the only light in the room. She said, ”The Lord told me He would be with you!”
After Mama was laid to rest, I stopped by the funeral home, before leaving town, to thank the director for guiding me through the difficult process. I don’t know what she REALLY thought about our odd behavior that day, but she was quite taken with me. She said, "Young lady, your mother would have been very proud of how you handled yourself here. I must admit, I was very concerned about allowing you to do your mother's make-up, but I am very impressed with what you accomplished. If you ever find yourself in need of a job, I will hire you on the spot! Well needless to say, that was the last thing I expected to hear! I politely declined her job offer... but in my head I was thinking, "Eeewww!"
In hindsight, I realize the days that should have been the worst, turned out to be the best. Afterall, God does promise us that all things work together for the good of those that love Him! I enjoyed the days that I spent with Aunt Mosie, and I had her all to myself. She taught me so many lessons about trusting the Lord, just by being her sweet, loving self. I think she learned a few things from me too. She shared stories about her mother, her father, her childhood and what her life was like as a young woman and mother.
What I learned from Aunt Mosie was that although she suffered a lot, she never wavered with God. She always chose Him above all else. She was laughed at, excluded and spit on. Aunt Mosie even went as far as to bake a beautiful birthday cake for Mama’s sister and when she delivered it, Mama’s sister threw the cake at her. Aunt Mosie drove home covered in colored frosting.
Aunt Mosie was always a Daddy’s girl, but her daddy would barely speak to her. She told me that when she prayed for her children, grandchildren and the generations to come, she prayed that all of them would have love and closeness as a family and that the men in her family would be loving daddies to their children but especially to their little girls. Above all else, she prayed that her family would live their lives for the Lord just as she had.
As with me, Aunt Mosie planted the seeds of faith in everyone she met. She taught by example. I think of her beautiful garden that year after year bore much fruit. She planted seeds and nurtured the plants until they yielded a crop. What she did in her physical garden, she also did in her spiritual garden. Aunt Mosie bore much fruit!
